Month 21: Bonding with other widows


Hey Sweetheart,

It’s that time of the month again. You know the day you probably roll your eyes at as I walk around all mopey and refuse to do anything on. Well, guess what? I actually did something today.

Co-incidentally, today was the first Widows’ Wellness Day and I was lucky to be invited by the organizer, Kelly Willis, to participate. After the fiasco with the Young Windows Group last year I was really not expecting much. However, I cannot tell you what an inspirational and moving day it was. I just happened to sit with a group of ladies who, like moi, had all lost their husbands to cancer. Just listening to other widows discuss their fears, triggers that bring on the waterworks and stupid things that have been said to us was an affirmation that we all face the same trials. We were not alone.

I honestly think you would have been proud of the fact that I went and wholeheartedly participated in the workshops. One of the ladies at the table was just seven months into her grieving process and was talking about how she refuses to let herself get down and instead continue to celebrate the memory of her husband’s life. It reminded me so much of myself last year. More importantly, it made me feel so much better about all the decisions I have made to bring me where I am today.

Now I feel less guilty about still holding on to your things and having your pictures all around the house. One of the speakers, Audrey Pellicano of Wise Widow, mentioned how she still has a bottle of her late husband’s cologne and that her current husband is aware of it. It was also interesting to hear that grief changes depending on where you are in your life. It doesn’t get easier and the pain doesn’t go away. You just deal with it in a different manner.

So to cut a long story short. Today was not as bad for me to deal with because I had a chance to talk about you and celebrate what I had achieved as a widow so far. Grief counsellor, Dr Bill Webster, said one line that very poignantly summarizes a widow/widower’s journey. On dealing with the second year after losing a spouse he said: “The first year is backward focus. The second year is forward focus.” And I think I’m ready, Sean. Please continue to guide my way.

Love you forever,

One thought on “Month 21: Bonding with other widows

  1. Pingback: Month 22 | Table for One

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